A healthy work-life balance is not easy to find, especially when relationships and family are involved. But what’s considered a proper work-life balance is highly subjective, as is how much time with relatives is considered too much.
Both of the above became causes for disputes among this couple; while the husband believed his wife spends too much time at work and not enough at family parties, she thought there were one too many of them to attend.
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The way one divides their time between work and personal life can become a cause for conflict with their loved ones
This husband believed his wife didn’t spend enough time with his family, so he took matters into his own hands
It’s safe to assume that few people would be happy with having to give up time with their partner
Needless to say, the way the OP’s husband handled the matter is far from the best route one could have taken in such a situation. However, he is likely not the only one having to deal with a similar predicament.
Waiting for your spouse to get off work after burning the midnight oil is not unheard of, and it can have detrimental effects not only on the overworked person’s well-being but the relationship as well. Studies found that people who are coupled up with individuals with higher workloads tend to experience declines in marital satisfaction due to the detrimental effects of such workloads.
In many cases, spending more time at work means less time with one’s partner; or the family, consequently often including the partner’s family, too. Data suggests that our partners are the people we spend the majority of our time with (if we’re not on our own) followed by family, so chances are those who get to spend the most time with us would be deprived of it the most as well, were work to occupy a larger chunk of it than it usual.
According to psychology expert Barbara Killinger, Ph.D., the pull between work and family has never been greater; despite it being a widely discussed topic nowadays, work-life balance remains elusive for far too many families.
The OP’s husband seemed to have crossed the line with his actions
While it’s not difficult to see the redditor’s husband’s motives, it’s in no way an excuse to cross a spouse’s boundaries. Taking their belongings seeking to lie to their boss, let alone making up a terrible scenario one wouldn’t wish on their worst enemy, arguably steps way out of the line of healthy problem-solving practices between partners.
According to a licensed clinical professional counselor, Gary Gilles, boundaries distinguish what each person in the relationship is responsible for, which typically entails bodies, words, emotions and attitudes, values, and preferences. Writing for MentalHelp.net, Gilles pointed out that overstepping boundaries—even if accidentally—can be destructive; they need to be respected in order to work.
By sending the message to the OP’s boss, the husband not only lied, which in itself is easily frowned upon, but arguably stepped over the line by sharing information—even if false—that should have not been shared in the wife’s name. That was the reason quite a few redditors in the comments didn’t shy away from criticizing the husband; though, some believed that both of the people involved were being jerks in the situation.
Fellow netizens shared their thoughts in the comments, the majority didn’t consider the OP a jerk in the situation
Some people believed everyone’s in the wrong here
